Romeo's Dead but Juliette Faked it

While landscaping, Gretchen Parks, a descendent of a powerful witch queen, uncovers a vampire in her backyard. Time’s are tough and she filches treasure from his staked skeleton, unaware she’s just broken her ancestor’s curse. Once awake, suave Frenchman Jean sets his sights on Gretchen. His belle laide, beautiful ugly woman, is far from being a romantic. Convincing a jaded middle-aged woman that she’s still smoking is tough work, but turning her into a vampire hottie may get him staked. Toss in a coven of goddess-worshipping witches and a pack of supernatural wolves and watch this cheery town squirm like a chemical-soaked ant hill.

Can’t witches, goddesses, vampires, and townsfolk all get along? Apparently not in this memorable tale of how matches not made in Heaven sometimes work and why walking in the woods at night is ill-advised (unless you want to catch your neighbors dancing naked in the moonlight).