Wrestling with Sovereignty

Is God really sovereign? Is he sovereign enough for my messy life? It’s always easy to trust, to love, and sing praises to God when life is smooth and easy. But when the walls start closing in, when you lose your business and your home and you move away from your adult children and grandchildren, can you trust God with all that pain and uncertainty? “You number my wanderings; put my tears into your bottle” (Psalms 56:8). A mysterious illness was killing my husband right before my eyes, and all I could see were the scary questions looming over our future. What if Harry should die and leave me alone in North Dakota? I had another back injury that would demand two surgeries. Could I truly love God with all my heart, be content and grateful, even if healing never comes? After my Mother died suddenly, I was riddled with grief, guilt, and unforgiveness for the many secrets surrounding her passing. Now that Mother was gone, what did God want me to do with my Father? We were going to work and live in the oil fields of North Dakota. Would we ever feel normal again?

What we saw was God was in all the details, the beautiful and the messy. He was there walking beside us, he was holding on to us even when we were losing our grip and our faith. A King does not abdicate his throne when his people go through a battle. Rather, that is when he shows his true strength, his compassion, his supremacy, so his people have someone to follow. When we were at our weakest, God was at his strongest; he was there, and we learned that in him alone was our security and our future, our hope, and our peace.